


This Thing, Being Us.

by Cas_tellations



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Its pretty shitty, M/M, also sorry i wrote this instead of a new cafs chapter so thats why updates for that fic are slow, but oh well, hi i wrote a thing, i can't be bothered to edit, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 14:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8450371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_tellations/pseuds/Cas_tellations
Summary: i literally can’t sleep alone anymore so i’ve shown up at your door in my pyjamas, can we have one more nap together, please?





	

**Author's Note:**

> hi i wrote another oneshot instead of updating the chaptered fic and thats why i suck plz enjoy this mess that i have created

 

 

Dan wasn’t completely sure how he ended up ringing the doorbell to his ex-boyfriends flat at 2am with curly hair and huge bags under his eyes, wearing one of his ex-boyfriends old T-shirts and sweatpants, but apparently that’s just where he ended up so he decided against questioning it.

 

They had broken up roughly two weeks ago. 

 

Two weeks of tossing and turning in bed, trying to get comfortable but not being able to. Two weeks of crying at the most pitiful things because they reminded Dan of  _ Him.  _ Two weeks or barely making it through work because he hadn’t slept enough, if at all, the previous night. Two weeks of eating shitty food from tesco because  _ He  _ was the one who had done most of the cooking and Dan didn’t know how to make proper food. Two weeks of sitting on the sofa drinking what was probably too much liquor. Two weeks of being fucking furious at  _ Him.  _

 

And now, after all that, he was still standing at Phil’s door at 2am because he couldn’t fucking sleep for god’s sake. 

 

He pounded furiously on the door, ringing the doorbell between knocks. 

 

What seemed like hours later, though in reality was only just a few minutes, the door was being flung open and a very tired and mad looking Phil was staring at him like he had just seen a ghost. 

 

Dan glared at him, ignoring Phil’s slurred comment of: “What the hell are you doing here, Dan?” and stormed past him, heading straight for Phil’s bedroom. To Phil’s bed. To Phil’s blankets and pillows that smelled safe and happy. 

 

He dived under the Blue-and-green duvet, shoved his face into Phil’s pillow, and begged the tears to stay out of his eyes. 

 

It felt safe and warm and comfortable. It smelled of flowers and hope. Dan didn’t want to ever leave. 

 

“Dan?” Phil’s voice was too soft. 

 

Dan’s eyes tearing up, not only because Phil sounded so  _ gentle,  _ but because it was 2am and Dan hadn’t slept properly in weeks because he couldn’t sleep in his bed alone, because they’d been together so long that they’d rarely go to sleep in different beds. He was crying because he  _ missed  _ it. He missed it but he couldn’t go back because it had happened and it was over and Phil would probably make him leave in a minute. 

 

But he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay here with the blue-and-green duvet pulled up over his head, and his face pressed into the pillow and Phil’s too-soft voice whispering reassurance into his ear.

 

“Dan.” Phil repeated, and Dan could  _ feel  _ Phil’s gaze burning into him though the duvet. 

 

“What?” Dan replied, his voice significantly muffled by the blanket. 

 

“Why are you here?” Phil sounded tired, his voice heavy. 

 

Dan didn’t reply. He was tired and just wanted to sleep and in fact he could probably sleep if he just ignored Phil. 

 

“Dan.” 

 

“Dan, c’mon.” He sounded annoyed, the softness in his voice disappearing. 

 

“Dan!” 

 

And then Dan felt Phil grab the duvet and pull it away from his face, revealing the tear-stained face of the younger boy. 

 

Phil’s face visibly turned from one of annoyance to one of mild worry in a heartbeat. 

 

Dan tried tugging the blanket back but Phil kept his grip tight on them, not allowing Dan to disappear back underneath it. He gave up with a sigh, looking up at Phil properly for the first time. 

 

_ Phil.  _

 

Dan couldn’t breath. 

 

_ Phil.  _

 

He looked good, of course, but it was so much more than that. He looked tired and worried and sad and Dan could physically  _ feel  _ his heart breaking. 

 

That’s when Dan started honest-to-god sobbing. After a moment he felt Phil’s arms around him, safe and secure. 

 

“Shhh…” He was whispering, “It’s going to be okay.” 

 

But Dan was shaking his head and blubbering something about how it wouldn’t ever be okay anymore and how he couldn’t sleep and how he couldn’t fucking  _ do  _ this. 

 

He couldn’t breath properly and tears were racing down his cheeks and he was making Phil’s T-shirt all soggy and messy but he couldn’t stop crying, he couldn’t get himself under control. 

 

“Shhh… C’mon Dan, take a deep breath, you can do this.” Phil whispered, bringing one of his hands up to brush it through Dan’s hair, trying his best to comfort Dan. 

 

Eventually though, the sobs slowed until all that remained were quiet whimpers and hiccups every now and then. 

 

Carefully, Phil unwound his arms from around Dan, looking at him like he was afraid of breaking him. Joke’s on him though, as Dan already felt broken. 

 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Dan finally said, looking down at his hands. “I can’t fucking sleep alone.” His tone was quiet, but it held more anger in it than Phil had ever heard in Dan’s voice before. 

 

Dan wanted Phil to hold him again, like if Phil held him for long enough, then all the suppressed emotions and stupid memories would disappear, leaving only them, Dan and Phil. 

 

“Can we just… One more nap? Please? You owe it to me, I haven’t slept for ages because of you.” Dan accused him, glaring at the black-haired boy. 

 

Phil sat there for a moment, maybe surprised or maybe just tired, because it was 2am after all. 

 

But then Phil shot Dan a look that was something between a smile and a frown, then slid down onto the bed, tugged the blanket over both of them and reached over to switch off the light. 

 

Dan didn’t protest, didn’t question it. He didn’t want to, and his sleep-deprived mind shut down all other thoughts. 

 

Half-asleep, he found himself pressing closer to Phil, sliding one arm around his waist, ignoring the sharp intake of breath from Phil, and cuddling into his side. 

 

Phil didn’t wrap his own arms around Dan, but then again he didn’t move away, either. 

 

For the first time in what seemed like years, Dan slept peacefully, surrounded by the warmth and safety of Phil. 

 

When Dan woke up however, the bed was void of Phil Lester. Dan felt the familiar lump in his throat and buried his head back into the pillow, falling back asleep a few minutes later. 

 

The second time Dan woke up, it was to Phil, shaking his shoulder lightly to get him to wake the fuck up. 

 

“Just one more minute.” Dan grumbled, pulling the blanket over his head. 

 

“No, Dan. We have to talk.” Phil voice sounded like a robot, holding no emotion that Dan could see of. 

 

_ We have to talk.  _

 

Dan really didn’t like the sound of that, but he pushed the duvet away from his face and sat up, avoiding Phil’s gaze as he handed Dan a mug of tea. 

 

“Thanks.” Dan murmured, taking a sip and biting back a yelp when it burned his tongue.  

 

“So.” Phil prompted, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

 

“Yeah?” Dan said, ignoring how hot the tea was. 

 

“Why are you here, Dan?” Phil said after a second, his voice heavier and more tired than Dan had ever heard it before. 

 

Dan stared down at the tea, watching as it swirled around in the mug. 

 

He didn’t want to answer. 

 

He didn’t want to admit that he  _ missed  _ Phil. 

 

But Phil didn’t elaborate, he just sat there waiting for Dan’s answer. 

 

“Dan… You have to talk to me.” Phil shuffled a bit closer, reaching his hand out to push Dan’s I-keep-meaning-to-get-a-haircut-but-I-forget fringe away from his eyes. 

 

Dan’s skin burned where Phil’s fingers had been. 

 

Dan shook his head lightly, keeping his eyes downcast. 

 

“Bear.” Phil’s voice was gentle, but insistent. 

 

Dan’s head shot up at the old nickname, his eyes meeting Phil’s only to discover that they, too, were swimming in tears. 

 

Dan blinked rapidly, setting the mug on the bedside table because he didn’t trust his hands to hold it steady anymore. 

 

“D-Don’t call me that.” Dan managed to say, standing up and heading to the door. 

 

He had to leave, had to get the fuck  _ out.  _ Before he did something that he’d regret. 

 

“Dan, wait!” Phil called, jumping up and chasing after him. 

 

Dan was already at the door, turning the doorknob when he heard it. 

 

“I miss you.” 

  
It was so quiet. 

 

The tension so unbearable. 

 

Dan took his hand off the doorknob and turned around slowly. 

 

Phil had one hand over his mouth, like he hadn’t meant to say it and now wished more than anything to take it back. 

 

The words raced through Dan’s head;

 

_ I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.  _

 

Dan stared at him, dumbfounded. 

 

Then he rushed forwards and pushed his arms around Phil's waist, holding him close. He could feel Phil breathing a little bit too deeply against his chest, could feel as Phil’s arms returned the embrace, he could feel Phil’s burying his head into the crook of Dan’s neck and was pretty sure that Phil was crying, but wasn’t completely sure as he was so overwhelmed by  _ Phil.  _

 

Neither of them wanted to let go. 

 

They clung to each other for a long time before carefully stepping back and looking at each other, Dan’s hands still resting on Phil’s waist. 

 

Phil’s eyes were bloodshot and he hurriedly wiped away they few stray tears left, glancing up at Dan’s face, worry etched all over him. 

 

“You’re a fucking spork.” Dan finally said, breaking the silence with his light tone. 

 

Phil giggled, leaning into Dan and tracing shapes into his back with one hand. 

 

“I miss you, too.” Dan said into Phil’s shoulder. 

 

Phil tightened his his grip around Dan in reply. 

 

Eventually though, they did let go of eachother. 

 

That sat in the kitchen eating cereal and talking, about nothing really, until Phil finally said what they’d both been thinking. 

 

“D’you… Maybe wanna try this thing again?” 

 

“‘This thing’, being us?” Dan replied a moment later, looking up at Phil’s face. 

 

“Yeah, if you want to.” He fiddled with the hem of his T-shirt, avoiding Dan’s face. 

 

Then a chair was being scraped back and Dan was jumping over to Phil, putting one hand under Phil’s chin to force his face upwards, tilting his own head sideways and, without so much as pausing, kissed the ever-loving fuck out of Phil Lester. 

 

“Boyfriends?” Dan question, breaking off the rapidly-escalating kiss a few minutes later. 

 

“Boyfriends.” Phil confirmed, lacing his finger together behind Dan’s neck and pulling him back in.

 

 

fin-

**Author's Note:**

> (wow what a shitty ending im so sorry i hate it too)  
> i hope you liked that   
> i didn't  
> but if you did, thats gr8 and you can leave comments and kudos bc those are fun to see


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